Eats

Sunday was an epic fail on the culinary front: the lamb was un-chewable and the haloumi disintegrated in the pan. So much for being classy: we threw everything away and ordered burgers.

Liberia is hit or miss when it comes to stocking your kitchen so I flip out when I find steel-cut oatmeal ($7.50) and slivers of brie ($11.00) and pita chips ($14.95). What I wouldn’t give for some of that San Francisco sourdough: the bread here rather consistently tastes like index card.

Sometimes the cost and effort of crafting deliciousness at home outweigh the benefits (see paragraph #1). Then again, going out to eat poses its own challenges. [FYI, Liberians put the stress on the second syllable of challenges. I love it.]

Rasta Bar. On a Thursday.

Waiter: Drinks?
Friend: Can I have a Club Beer?

Waiter: Large or small?

Us: Large.

Waiter: No large Club Beer.

Friend: Why did you even ask?

Waiter: I’m not sure.

Sam's BBQ. On a Saturday. 

Waitress: Drinks?

Me: Can I have a Coke Light?

Waitress: No Coke Light.

Me: OK. Fanta.

Waitress: Anything to eat?

Will: Can I have the quarter chicken with jellof rice?

Waitress: No jellof rice on Saturday.

Will: Jellof rice is served everywhere in Liberia.

Waitress: Mmm.

Will: Do you have fried rice?

Waitress: Yes.

Will: Isn’t that essentially jellof rice?

Waitress: Yes.

Will: Fine. I’ll have the fried rice.

Waitress: And for you?

Me: Can I have the BBQ ribs?

Waitress: No BBQ ribs today.

Me: The menu says they are a Daily Special.

Waitress: Yes, but not today.

Me: Tomorrow?

Waitress: No, probably not.

Me: Can I just get whatever Will ordered?

Food arrives.

Me: Can I have some BBQ sauce?

Waitress:  OK.

Ten minutes pass.

Me (to random waiter): Can I have some BBQ sauce?

Waiter: We don’t have BBQ sauce.

Me: Everything on your menu is barbecued.

Waiter: Ma'am, this restaurant does not serve BBQ sauce.

Me: What’s in the red bottle?

Waiter: Ketchup.

Me: What’s in the dark-red bottle?

Waiter: Ketchup.

One minute passes.

Waitress: Sorry for the delay. {{Sets what is clearly BBQ sauce on table}}

I can't even tell you how many nights I just skip dinner altogether.