"We've Got a Great Big Convoy..." Part II

I spent two days pondering how best to describe my 18 hours on the president's trail. I settled on stream-of-consciousness.

Why is my mother my alarm clock.

Why is my mother wearing the same outfit as me.
What do you mean we're not leaving for two hours.
The president is very small.
Where do I get a velvet staircase to descend from Jeeps?
Why is the camera crew in our trunk.
Why would you autotune a campaign song.
My country is so clean!
...and there goes a Coke can out a car window.
Look at all the trees! My people are so eco.
Sign: "Welcome to Firestone." Oh, wait, no. It's a rubber farm.
Brick houses.
Thatch houses.

Clay houses.

Are those people lining the roads?
(Two hours later)
Those are still people lining the roads.
That's, like, the eighth pant-less kid today.
Chickens!
There's a man getting dressed in the street.
I'd dress in the street, too, if the President rolled up on me.
Why are we stopping on a half-built bridge.
Who is singing?
Oh, it's a sea of neatly-pressed children.
Holy frenzy over free t-shirts.
There's someone's grandmother (minus a blouse, plus a mud mask).
Goats!
That is the tallest blonde anyone has ever seen anywhere at any point in time.
How do I drop "soccer" from my vocabulary.
Now we're ordering flags for the townspeople (which, to me, sounds like, "More cowbell.")
Now we're cutting ribbon at a clinic.
Now we're ambushed in a church.
Now we're dedicating a market.
Now the president's blowing up spots.
Now the villagers are abducting their delegate.
Who tells the president no one's peed in five hours?
Now we're distributing rice...
Now I dodge a black eye. (Note: do not distribute rice anywhere in Liberia.)

Why is the mayor frowning at me.

Why is the president frowning at me.

Maybe I'm frowning? Better not frown.

Election fever is... fine...but it's been three bloody hours of one song so I'm just start gonna kicking wildly. Observe: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_H5KmOD-EQ&t=0m19s

The urge to kick subsided sometime after midnight. In bed. Which I did not leave for 15 hours. Let it be known that a 72-year old politician on no sleep ran laps around me. I don't even know what to say about that. The girl is fierce.