Things I Wish I'd Known From The Start

If a Liberian says... 
How de body?

It means...
How are you doing?

And not...
Is that your real shape or are you smushed up in Spanx under there?

If a Liberian says...
Dress small.

It means...
Could you move over a little?

And not...
Please wear less clothing.

If a Liberian says...
Do you see me?

It means... 
Remember my face. I’m watching your car. And I want a tip when you’re done shopping.

And not... 
Am I a hologram?

That is all. As you were.