Things I Wish I'd Known From The Start

If a Liberian says... 
How de body?

It means...
How are you doing?

And not...
Is that your real shape or are you smushed up in Spanx under there?

If a Liberian says...
Dress small.

It means...
Could you move over a little?

And not...
Please wear less clothing.

If a Liberian says...
Do you see me?

It means... 
Remember my face. I’m watching your car. And I want a tip when you’re done shopping.

And not... 
Am I a hologram?

That is all. As you were.

In Matadi

You know everything's going to be a little strange that day when you drive past a manned wooden booth with the words LADY'S MILK CHARGING CENTER painted on it. 

For Melanie

On Saturday, Will and I drove two hours on freshly-paved highway to the beach in Buchanan.

It felt like this...

and this.

I should have stayed home.

See, we stopped somewhere to get some lunch but all they had left was peanut soup so we let someone lead us somewhere else where all of us ordered the goat soup.

Everything was alright until my second mound of meat. My fork hit a hard place I thought was bone so I flipped the bone over and considered what I was looking at.

Teeth.

Not a few isolated molars, but an intact lower jaw.

A mandible of brown-white teeth
attached to a tongue 

attached to a nasal cavity. 

Like a seasoned medical student, I quietly studied this smiling goat half-face, set it aside, and continued eating as though nothing had happened. Only twenty minutes later did the full horror of the thing wash over me.

I had tofu and a pack and a half of gum that night.

Vegetarians, this is your window. I am yours. Talk me over the fence.