BFF

Evidence suggests that adulthood is just high school, over and over again.

Personally, I'm starting to believe that we never leave kindergarten.

A friend got into a shared cab in which this happened.

Stranger: Hello.
Friend: Hi.
Stranger: Do you want to be my best friend?
Friend: Well, we've only just met. But we can get to know each other.
Stranger: So, you don't want to be my best friend.
Friend: We should probably hang out first.

Stranger flips out, muttering something about stingy foreigners.

On Friday, I was caught off-guard on a beach by a pack of 'tweens.

Pack Leader: We want to talk with you.
Me: OK. What do you want talk about?
Pack Leader: We want to make friends.
Me: Fine. We're friends.
Pack Leader: No, we want to be best friends.
Me: Oh. Well, that takes time.
Pack Leader: No, we can arrange it now.
Me: How?
Pack Leader: Well, we want to eat.
Me: And I see your associate has a basket of donuts beside her.
Pack Leader: Yes. Those are to sell.
Me: But you could just eat some, no?
Pack Leader: No. We want to sell to you.
Me: But I already ate.
Pack Leader: It is not for you to eat.
Me: Who is it for?
Pack Leader: For us.
Me: You want me to buy your donut and then give it to you so you can eat it?
Pack Leader: Not 'give.' Offer.
Me: But what kind of business is this?
Pack Leader: Not business. Friendship.
Me: I don't buy friendship.

The pack exchanged confused looks and backed away slowly.

It's exhausting to be asked for things all day. I'm going to be the worst parent.