Bjork

I've got a song on repeat today that goes:

If you ever get close to a human

And human behavior

Be ready, be ready to get confused

Observe.

The bottled drink you order in a bar or restaurant here will, without fail, come with a Kleenex.

The odds are that the cap will still be firmly in place.

The waiter, who is inevitably exasperated that you've asked him for...anything...will wait until you're watching and ask "OK?" before opening the damn thing. 

I have been collecting explanations for this for some time. The Kleenex is there to wipe the rim of the bottle, which apparently rusts over with reuse. Fine. But the whole "May I open this?" charade ensures that when someone roofies or, you know, straight up poisons you, it's entirely your fault. I'm all for going the extra mile to protect your customers, but I've also seen raw meat sit uncovered at high noon by the side of the road.

Speaking of roadside shenanigans, men pee shamelessly in plain sight despite murals crying "NO PEPE HERE." There is also a guy who wanders unchecked through traffic, shouting and shooting at phantom soldiers with his man-parts out.

Yet a cop pulled my friend over for indecent exposure -- he was riding shirtless on the back of a motorbike. At midnight. 

Help.